De Resort: Indonesia's Paradise Awaits!
De Resort: Indonesia's Paradise Awaits! – A Messy, Honest, and Totally Human Review
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to unleash my unfiltered experience of De Resort: Indonesia's Paradise Awaits! on your eyeballs. Forget those polished, robotic reviews – this is the real deal, warts and all. Consider this your pre-trip pep talk and your post-holiday therapy session rolled into one.
Let's Start with the Basics, or Trying To
Okay, so accessibility. Important stuff. De Resort boasts "Facilities for disabled guests" but the specifics? Not as clear as I'd like. The elevator is a good sign (phew!), but I'd advise contacting the hotel directly if you have specific accessibility needs. No point in arriving and realizing the dream is actually a climb.
The Techy Stuff: Wi-Fi, Internet, and the Dreaded LAN
Okay, so, they scream about "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" which, after a hellish journey, is music to my ears. Wi-Fi in public areas is obviously a thing, too. Internet [LAN]? Don't even remember logging in to LAN. Internet services, too generic. Anyway, I could use some kind of connection for my devices, and there was! Praise the internet gods.
Cleanliness and Safety – Gotta Talk About The Pandemic Elephant in the Room (And I'm a Nervous Nellie!)
Look, the world's gone a bit… well, you know. So, how did De Resort handle it? They're Hygiene certification rated. Good start. Anti-viral cleaning products? Good. Daily disinfection in common areas? YES PLEASE. Rooms sanitized between stays? DOUBLE YES. Individually-wrapped food options? Sensing a theme. Hand sanitizer everywhere? Check. Staff trained in safety protocol? Fingers crossed! All the signs point to them taking this seriously, which, as a perpetually anxious traveler, makes me breathe a little easier. They even have Room sanitization opt-out available. Pretty cool. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter – hard to say how well that's enforced when you're in the middle of a buffet!
The Dining, Drinking, and Snacking Debacle (Because Food is Life)
Alright, food is EVERYTHING, and De Resort delivers a… mixed bag. Let's start with the positives: A la carte in restaurant, yes! Alternative meal arrangement? Always appreciate it for the picky eaters & Asian breakfast - YES. Loved it. The Asian cuisine in restaurant was top-notch. The Bar was decent. The Bottle of water in the room? Bless. The Breakfast [buffet] was… a buffet. Fine. Coffee/tea in restaurant/coffee shop – essential. The Desserts in restaurant were worth the calorie intake. Happy hour? Need a good time to be had. The International cuisine in restaurant was better than good. Poolside bar? Now we're talking. Restaurants are aplenty. Room service [24-hour] – a lifesaver after a late night. Salad in restaurant? Needed those veggies. Snack bar? Okay. Soup in restaurant? No! Vegetarian restaurant? Awesome. Western breakfast? Did not disappoint. And the Western cuisine in restaurant was up to scratch.
Now the less exciting stuff: Breakfast takeaway service? Not very useful. Buffet in restaurant? Overcrowded. Coffee/tea in restaurant? Nothing to write home about. Poolside bar? Expensive. Snack bar? Very average. There were some Essential condiments. Yay!
Things to Do, Ways to Relax – My Personal Spa-tacular Breakdown (Worth a Whole Paragraph!)
Okay, so let's get real. I went to De Resort to relax. And wow, did I ever spend an afternoon at the Spa/sauna! The Body scrub was divine – I swear, I shed five years (and maybe a few pounds of travel weight, too!). The Body wrap left me feeling like a silky goddess. The Foot bath was pure bliss, easing the tension from all that exploring. And the Massage? Oh. My. Goodness. One of those experiences when you just surrender and let the professional do the work. Pool with view was fantastic, the Sauna felt amazing, and the whole experience left me feeling renewed and ready to tackle the world (or at least the buffet again). Now the Fitness center. Meh. I have enough fitness in all my life. The Steamroom was a bit too much hot for me. And the Swimming pool [outdoor] was great.
Services and Conveniences – The Mundane Stuff That Actually Matters
Air conditioning in public area? Praise the AC gods. Concierge? Always a lifesaver. Daily housekeeping? Lovely to come back to a tidy room. Doorman? Makes you feel fancy. Elevator? Crucial. Ironing service? Very practical. Laundry service? Did not need this. Luggage storage? Never used it. Safety deposit boxes? Great peace of mind.Terrace? Never used it. Xerox/fax in business center? Meh. Facilities for disabled guests? Should be more detailed. Food delivery? Unnecessary. Gift/souvenir shop? Did not need. Invoice provided? Sure. Safety deposit boxes? Great peace of mind. Smoking area? Okay. Staff trained in safety protocol? Double check. Cash withdrawal, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Dry cleaning, Meeting/banquet facilities, Indoor venue for special events, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety/security feature, Seminars, Shrine, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center? All unnecessary.
For the Kids (And The Inner Child in Us All!)
Babysitting service? Excellent! Family/child friendly? Seemed like it. Kids facilities? Cool. Kids meal? Very practical.
Getting Around – Airport Transfers & Other Adventures
Airport transfer? Convenient. Bicycle parking? Always a plus. Car park [free of charge]? Sweet. Car park [on-site]? Useful. Car power charging station? Progressive! Taxi service? Very handy. Valet parking? Makes you feel fancy.
Available in All Rooms – The Nitty Gritty Details (Plus My Random Ramblings)
Alright, let's get down to brass tacks. They pack a lot into these rooms! Additional toilet - always a win. Air conditioning? Hallelujah! Alarm clock? Fine. Bathrobes? Comfy! Bathtub? Yes, please! Blackout curtains? Sleep like a log. Closet - okay! Coffee/tea maker? LIFE. Complimentary tea? Love it. Desk? Great to work from. Extra long bed? Always a win. Free bottled water? Dehydration avoided! Hair dryer? Essential. High floor? Always a great view. In-room safe box? Peace of mind. Interconnecting room(s) available? For families. Ironing facilities? Okay. Laptop workspace? Helpful. Linens? Clean. Mini bar? Tempting. Mirror - yep. Non-smoking? Good. On-demand movies? Score! Private bathroom? Yup. Reading light? Nice touch. Refrigerator? Useful. Satellite/cable channels? Basic entertainment. Scale? I try to avoid those… Seating area? Comfy. Separate shower/bathtub? LUXURY! Shower? Obvious. Slippers? Cozy. Smoke detector? Safety first. Socket near the bed? Genius. Sofa? Cozy. Soundproofing? Needed after a long day! Telephone? The essentials. Toiletries? Expected. Towels? Always needed. Umbrella? Prepared for showers! Visual alarm? For those with sight impairments. Wake-up service? Helpful. Wi-Fi [free]? YES! Window that opens? Fresh air.
The Quirks, The Imperfections, The Stuff They Don't Tell You
Okay, so:
- The View: Book a room with a view! Seriously. The sunsets are ridiculously Instagrammable.
- The Noise: It can get noisy. Bring earplugs if you're a light sleeper.
- The Service: Generally, it was good, but sometimes a bit… slow. (Welcome to island time, right?)
- The Unexpected: One night, I swear I heard a gecko singing opera. I'm not kidding.
The Verdict: Should You Book?
Look, De Resort isn't perfect. But it's got a heart, it's got charm, and it offers a solid experience. If you're looking for a place to *un
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's itinerary. We're going to the De Resort Hotel & Convention in Indonesia. Expect a rollercoaster, a belly laugh, and maybe a tiny bit of existential dread. Because, let's be honest, travel is a chaotic, glorious mess.
De Resort Hotel & Convention: Operation "Lost in Translation (and Possibly Myself)"
(Day 1: Arrival and the Great Luggage Debacle)
- 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Jakarta Airport Chaos & The Taxi Driver Who Spoke Martian. Okay, so, landing. That's the easy part. Navigating Jakarta airport? Forget about it. It's like a Disney ride designed by the Marquis de Sade. And the taxi? Let's just say the driver’s English was… limited. I tried explaining "De Resort Hotel," and he just stared at me blankly. I swear, I pointed, I gesticulated, I even did a little interpretive dance involving a suitcase. Finally, after what felt like an eternity - and a lot of mumbled prayers on my part - we arrived. Victory! (Also, I'm pretty sure he added a "foreigner tax" to the bill. Sigh.)
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Check-in and the Room Key That Betrayed Me. Ah, the lobby! Lush, beautiful, Instagram-worthy. I was feeling pretty smug… until the room key wouldn't work. Twice. The third time, I was almost in tears. Finally, a kind bellhop swooped in and fixed it. Turns out, I was just holding it wrong, I guess… (Note to self: remember which way is up.)
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: The Luggage… That Wasn't There. Remember all that suitcase drama? Well, surprise! My luggage apparently took a detour to the Twilight Zone. Called the front desk, and they were charming if a bit indifferent. "Sir, it will come." Sigh.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch - Fueling the Hangry Beast. Found a restaurant in hotel, ordered some soup, delicious!
(Day 2: Poolside Reflections and the Culinary Catastrophe)
- 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Breakfast Bonanza! (Or Perhaps, a Buffet Blunder?). Breakfast buffet. A free-for-all of deliciousness! Or so I thought. The croissants? Stale. The coffee? Lukewarm and vaguely resembling dishwater (sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I DO require caffeine). The fruit was divine at least.
- 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Embrace the Pool, Ignore the Sunburn. Ah, the pool! This is what I came for. Gorgeous, shimmering blue, surrounded by palm trees and the sweet, sweet siren song of… relaxation. I spent the next few hours floating, reading, and perfecting my "doing absolutely nothing" face. Except, I forgot sunscreen. Now I'm a lobster. Genius.
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: The Restaurant of Regret: Spicy Disaster. Decided to try the hotel's "authentic Indonesian" restaurant. Big mistake. Huge. I ordered something called "Gulai Kepala Ikan" (fish head curry, if you’re curious). It arrived looking… intense. And tasting… well, let's just say my mouth felt like it was on fire. The waiter, bless his heart, just smiled beatifically as I sputtered and reached for water. It was an experience. A very hot experience. And my inner monologue was screaming.
- 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Evening stroll! Went to the local shops, and felt like I was the only tourist there.
(Day 3: Convention Calamities and Karaoke Catastrophes)
- 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM: The Convention Center’s Secret Life. Wandering around the convention center… Let's just say I got lost and wandered into a series of meetings I wasn't supposed to be in. I'm fairly certain I accidentally gave a presentation about my travel blog (which, let's be clear, is mostly me rambling about food and feeling awkward). The horrified looks I got were worth it.
- 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Karaoke and the Humiliation of Self. Yes, the hotel has karaoke. I tried it. It didn’t go well. My voice cracked, I forgot the words, and the only person who seemed to enjoy it was the overly enthusiastic bartender. (I suspect he was getting a kick out of my pain.) Let's just say, my performance wasn't exactly "American Idol" material. I'm still cringing. Please, no one ever mention "Bohemian Rhapsody" and me in the same sentence again.
(Day 4: Departure & the Bitter-Sweet Farewell)
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Last-Minute Panic and Lost Possessions. Where's my phone charger?! Now I’m searching for it frantically. Found it eventually. Ugh.
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Airport Redux and the Final Taxi Tango. Back to the airport, and thankfully, the taxi ride wasn't as harrowing this time. Maybe I learned a little Indonesian. Or maybe I just got lucky.
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Final reflection. Looking back, it was a trip filled with missteps, hilarious mishaps, and moments of sublime beauty. The hotel was beautiful, despite all the imperfections. I'll be back! Maybe.
Final Thoughts:
Here's to the messy, wonderful chaos of travel. To embracing the unexpected, the awkward, and the utterly delicious. And to finding that elusive balance between "relaxing" and "internally panicking." Jakarta, you were a whirlwind. Until next time (and maybe with a better handle on the baggage situation).
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De Resort: Paradise? Or... Just Plain Different? A Messy FAQ
What's the *actual* vibe at De Resort? Like, the *real* real vibe?
Okay, so "paradise" is doing a *lot* of work in that tagline. Let's be honest. De Resort… it's… unstable. One minute you're staring at a breathtaking sunset over rice paddies, feeling all zen and "one with nature," the next you're dodging a rogue chicken while trying to find the Wi-Fi password (which, by the way, changes more often than my mood swings).
Picture this: you arrive, hyped, fresh off the plane. The lobby? Gorgeous. Lush foliage, that intoxicating smell of frangipani… But then the key card doesn't work. Three trips back to reception later, you finally get in your room. And the AC? Well, let's just say it's doing its best, which is… not always enough. It's a mixed bag, folks. Think: postcard views, questionable plumbing, and a healthy dose of "island time" that can verge on "WTF time."
Okay, so... the rooms. What's *really* going on in there?
Alright, rooms. Deep breaths. Okay, here's the deal: some are amazing. Seriously. Picture huge, airy villas with private plunge pools and views that could launch a thousand Instagram accounts. Others? Well, let's just say they have character. Let's call it "rustic chic, with a leaky shower charm."
My personal experience? I booked a "superior villa." Expected luxury. Got… a room that kind of resembled a slightly fancier hostel. The air conditioning wheezed and groaned like a dying dinosaur. The "private" pool was, uh, more of a shared splash zone. Let me tell you, squeezing past three screaming kids to have a quick dip wasn't quite the Zen I'd envisioned. But, hey, at least the view was (mostly) intact.
Pro tip: Read reviews *thoroughly*. And maybe pack earplugs. And a sense of humor. Definitely a sense of humor.
Food! Is the food good? 'Cause bad food ruins everything.
Okay, food. This is where De Resort *mostly* redeems itself. The food is generally pretty darn good. Breakfast is a highlight – fresh fruit, fluffy pancakes, the works. The restaurant by the pool? Delicious nasi goreng. I swear, I ate three of those in a row one time. Absolutely no regrets.
Here's the catch. Consistency isn't always their strong suit. One day, a dish is heavenly. The next? Slightly off. Maybe a little too much chili. Or maybe… not quite enough. It's all very… spontaneous. Embrace the adventure. And always, *always* order the fresh juice. It's a lifesaver in the Indonesian heat.
Oh, and a word of warning: watch out for the spicy sambal. It's deceptively delicious… until it isn't.
Activities? What's there to *do* at this place? Beside, you know, surviving the AC?
Activities! Ah, yes. They have activities. Yoga (which I never actually managed to wake up for, ironically). Cooking classes. Bike rentals (which, let me tell you, are great for exploring the nearby villages, even if the roads are a bit… thrilling). And, of course, the pool. Which, as mentioned, can be a bit of a free-for-all.
But also… there's not *a ton* to do. It's the kind of place where you're meant to relax, read books, and just… be. Which is fine, on the one hand. But if you're the kind of person who needs constant stimulation? Mayyyybe not the place for you. I spent a lot of time wandering around, trying to find the perfect spot to read. Which, let's be honest, isn't a terrible way to spend a vacation. I think I walked by a very happy looking dog a few times.
Okay, let's talk about service. Is it… good? Is it… slow? Is it… nonexistent?
Service? Ah, the eternal question. Look, the staff are lovely. Truly. They’re sweet, helpful, and eager to please. But… and this is a big but… things move at a certain pace. Let's call it… the "Bali shuffle." Things take time. Food takes time. Getting your bill takes time. Getting a towel sometimes takes a whole day (I'm not exaggerating. Okay, maybe a little).
You have to embrace it. Be patient. Smile a lot. And learn a few basic Indonesian phrases. "Terima kasih" (thank you) will be your best friend. But also… don't expect lightning-fast service. It's just not happening, and you NEED to accept it.
Is it kid-friendly? Please tell me, I have a toddler and need to know!
Kid-friendly... Hmm. That's a tricky one. They *claim* to be kid-friendly, sure. There's a kids' pool. There's a playground (which, to be honest, looked a little neglected when I was there). But... it depends on your definition of "kid-friendly."
If you're looking for a place with dedicated kids' clubs, structured activities, and a team of nannies on standby? Probably not. De Resort is more about a relaxed, unstructured vibe. Which can be great if you have chill kids, but… might be chaos if you have a certain *type* of toddler. That is to say, the kind that likes to *explore* by eating sand and running toward the pool with no regard for their safety. The resort is in a great location, so you can always take your little ones to explore, and don't forget about the delicious food! All around, I would give it a maybe.
So... would you go back? Honestly?
*Sigh*. Okay. Yes. And no. Look, De Resort isn't perfect. Far from it. It's got its quirks. It can be frustrating. But... there's something about it. Something about the sunsets, the food, the general laid-back atmosphere… that gets under your skin. And maybe, just maybe, after the AC is replaced (or the chickens are contained), I might just find myself booking another trip.
But not before checking the reviews *very carefully* this time. And packing extra earplugs. And maybe a hazmat suit, just in case.
