Cairns Colonial Club: Your Aussie Paradise Awaits!
Cairns Colonial Club: My Aussie Paradise (Sort Of) - A Messy, Honest Review
Alright, buckle up, because this isn't your average, sanitized hotel review. I'm about to dive headfirst into the Cairns Colonial Club – "Your Aussie Paradise Awaits!" they claim – and spill the beans, good, bad, and undeniably meh. (Oh, and if you're looking for a perfectly formatted, SEO-optimized masterpiece, you've come to the wrong place. I’m going for real.)
First Impressions & Accessibility – A Mixed Bag, Let's Be Honest
Pulling up, the place actually looks pretty impressive. Lots of greenery, the colonial architecture is kinda charming…but then reality hits. The size of this place is a bit overwhelming. It's like a small city! Navigating it is…well, let's just say I got a little lost a few times. (My sense of direction? Let's not go there.)
Accessibility? They SAY "Facilities for disabled guests," and there's a lift, which is crucial. That’s a major plus! I didn’t personally need to use it for mobility, but I did spot ramps, which is encouraging. However, I didn't see signs in Braille, and some of the pathways seemed a little uneven. So, while they're making an effort, it's not perfectly seamless. They’re getting points for trying, though.
Getting Around: They offer Airport transfer (score!), and there's a free car park. Hallelujah! I'm a big fan of free things. Oh, plus a car power charging station – good thinking, Cairns Colonial Club, good thinking. Taxi service is of course available, too. And, a bicycle parking for anyone who might want to rent one.
My Room – The Good, The Bad, and the Surprisingly Comfy Bed
My room… well, it existed! It had all the usual suspects: Air conditioning (essential in Cairns!), comfy bed, a closet, a desk, a fridge, a safe. Standard. But the bed… that was a revelation! Seriously, I could have slept for a week. Extra long! It was like sinking into a cloud.
- What I loved: Free Wi-Fi (essential!), air conditioning that actually worked, a bathrobe (luxury!), and blackout curtains. Those blackout curtains were a lifesaver. Cairns sun is ruthless. And the complimentary tea and coffee was a nice touch.
- What was…less amazing: Nothing really stood out design-wise. It was a bit…generic hotel room. The lack of a USB port near the bed made me weep. Oh, and my room was a bit too far from the pool (first world problems!).
- The "Meh" Factor: The bathroom was functional, but no frills. The toiletries were basic. (Bring your own fancy stuff, people!) And while there was a mirror, it wasn't super well-lit for… well, checking yourself out, ya know?
Cleanliness and Safety – Trying Hard, But…
Okay, big points for trying! They’re clearly taking the whole COVID thing seriously. Hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff were masked up. Signs saying they use Anti-viral cleaning products, that they do Daily disinfection in common areas, that they sanitize rooms between stays… it's all there. Felt relatively safe, even though I was still a little paranoid about literally everything for reasons. However… I spotted a stray coffee cup in the hallway that seemed to have been there for a while. Tiny imperfection, not the end of the world, but it did stick out.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – My Stomach's Verdict
Alright, let's be honest. The food is what I’m really here for. They have Restaurants, a Poolside bar, a Coffee shop, and a Snack bar. Plus Asian cuisine in the restaurant.
I tried the breakfast buffet. Oh, the buffet! It's a buffet, people! Cereal, bacon, eggs, pastries… the usual suspects. But the coffee? A travesty. Weak, watery, and barely resembled coffee. The Asian breakfast, however, was a winner! I'm not normally a fan of Asian food for breakfast, but It was delicious. The western breakfast, not so much.
- The Poolside Bar: Pretty good. Got a decent cocktail and a chicken burger that did the trick after a long day of… well, existing. The view was fantastic. (More on that later.)
- Room Service: I ordered a pizza, purely out of laziness. It arrived quickly-ish (good), and it was edible (not bad). Pizza in the room? Perfection.
- Overall: The food isn’t Michelin-star worthy. It's what you'd expect from a hotel that size. But it’s reliable. And hey the Happy hour was good value. And they have vegetarian options!
Things to Do & Ways to Relax – Poolside Bliss (Almost)
Where this place truly shines is the… well, the paradise bit. Cairns is all about the tropics, and this resort gets that.
- The pool! Glorious! Seriously, it's massive, absolutely gorgeous. The "pool with view" is as promised -- and I could easily spend an entire week there. So. Relaxing. The pool is definetly my favourite part about the Cairns colonial club!
- The Spa: They had a spa. I didn’t personally indulge, but the brochure promised "Body scrub," "Body wrap," "Massage," "Sauna," "Spa/sauna," and "Steamroom." Sounds heavenly. Wish I had found the time to relax at the spa. Maybe next time.
- Gym/fitness: Yes, they have a gym. I didn’t visit. I was too busy lounging by the pool. The gym is for people who haven't discovered the joys of a good nap.
Other Amenities and Services – Hits and Misses
- Wi-Fi: Wi-Fi everywhere! In rooms, public areas, even for special events (if you're hosting one – which I wasn't). That's excellent.
- Business Facilities Business facilities: Business services include facilities like Projector/LED display (Audio-visual equipment for special events), Meetings, Meeting/banquet facilities, Seminars, Xerox/fax in business center.
- The Gift Shop: It had souvenirs. A good place to acquire a tacky t-shirt.
- The Concierge: Super helpful! They organized a tour for me, recommended a great restaurant, and generally made my life easier.
- Laundry & Dry Cleaning: Excellent, convenient services if you need them.
For the Kids
They offer Babysitting service, Family/child friendly options, and Kids facilities. I didn’t observe any children during my stay. But it looked pretty good for families.
My Emotional Takeaway – Paradise? Maybe…With Caveats
"Your Aussie Paradise Awaits!" it says. Did I find paradise? Not quite, but I found a very pleasant, relaxing place that was relatively accessible and had a huge pool. The food was decent, the service was generally good, and the bed will haunt my dreams (in a good way).
It’s a big resort, and at times it felt a bit…impersonal (like a well-oiled machine designed to process tourists). If you're looking for a super-authentic, intimate Aussie experience, this might not be it.
But…would I go back? Probably. For the pool. For the bed! For the convenience. For the chance to escape the everyday and soak up some Cairns sunshine.
Final Verdict: 7.5 out of 10. (Would be an 8.5 if the coffee was better!)
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- Guaranteed Best Rate: You won't find a better deal anywhere else!
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- Complimentary Bottle of Wine on Arrival: Cheers to your holiday!
- Exclusive Discount on Spa Treatments: Pamper yourself after a day exploring the Great Barrier Reef!
- Free Parking: Save on expensive parking fees!
- Flexible Booking Options: Free cancellation up to 7 days before your stay.
Why choose Cairns Colonial Club?
- Stunning Tropical Oasis: Embrace the beauty of Cairns with lush gardens and a sparkling swimming pool.
- Unbeatable Location: Explore the Great Barrier Reef, Daintree Rainforest, and Kuranda Village—all within easy reach!
- Exceptional Comfort: Relax in spacious rooms equipped with all the amenities you need.
- Delicious Dining: Savor a diverse selection of cuisines at our on-site restaurants, from fresh seafood to Asian delicacies.
- Unforgettable Experiences: Create
Okay, buckle up Buttercup, because we're about to dive headfirst into my Cairns Colonial Club Resort adventure. Prepare for some serious sunshine (hopefully), questionable decisions, and me, your designated tour guide through the glorious chaos of it all.
Itinerary: Cairns Colonial Club Resort - A Hot Mess Express (But in a Good Way, I Swear)
Day 1: Arrival & Sunstroke (Maybe?)
- 10:00 AM: Touchdown Cairns! After a flight that felt like it lasted approximately 37 years (seriously, how long is a flight from… everywhere, I can't even remember anymore!), I’m finally here. The heat hits you like a brick wall the second you step out of the airport. Already regretting my sensible shoes. They are now destined to join me the whole journey.
- 10:30 AM: Taxi to Cairns Colonial Club Resort. The driver was a wild card – regaling me with tales of saltwater crocodiles and the "ghost train" that apparently haunts the rainforest. I’m hooked; I'm sold; I need to see it all.
- 11:00 AM: Check-in. The resort is HUGE. Wandering around with my luggage is already a workout, and I'm pretty sure I saw a family of enormous lizards sunbathing by the pool – or maybe that was just my imagination brought on by the heat.
- 11:30 AM: Room reveal! Not bad, not bad at all. Big bed, air conditioning blasting (thank GOD), and a balcony overlooking… foliage. And the pool. Oh sweet, glistening, beckoning pool!
- 12:00 PM: Poolside exploration. Found the pool! Instantly lost all sense of decorum and spent the next hour attempting to perfect my "effortlessly cool" poolside swagger. Failed miserably, looked like a beached whale, felt amazing.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Lunch at the resort restaurant, “The Verandah.” Fish and chips. Basic, but the view was divine. The constant sound of kids screaming in delight gave me a little giggle. Also maybe a slight headache, could just be sunburn.
- 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Nap. Needed. That sun is brutal, and sleep is the only solution. Woke up feeling like I’d been dipped in a vat of honey and then rolled in sand.
- 6:00 PM: Sunset drinks at the bar. Beautiful sunset, terrible cocktail choice (something about passionfruit and tequila that did NOT agree with me). Spent the rest of the evening trying to remember if I locked the door. I didn't.
Day 2: Great Barrier Reef - Underwater Adventures (and a Near Disaster)
- 7:00 AM: Wake up! After a fitful night of tossing and turning, I have finally awakened from a slumber. Scrambling for the complimentary coffee maker, and the realisation hits me – it's the day I'm going to see the Great Barrier Reef! Excitement levels: through the roof!
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast at the Verandah (again - hey, it’s convenient!). Ate way too much. Seriously, I need to pace myself. This is going to be a long day…
- 9:00 AM: Boat trip to the Reef. The boat ride was… choppy. Let's just say the sea sickness tablets I took were a lifesaver. (Literally, I think).
- 10:00 AM: Snorkelling!! Absolutely breathtaking. The colours, the fish, it's like being in a giant aquarium. Thought I was pretty tough at first, saw a shark, nearly had a heart attack. Turns out, I'm a scaredy-cat. But the experience was still unforgettable. Absolutely worth it.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch on the boat. Standard buffet stuff. I probably should have eaten more, but I was far too occupied with being in awe of the reef.
- 2:00 PM: Scuba diving (or, well, attempting to scuba dive). This is where things went sideways. I blame the mask – it was fogging up, and I swear I could not see anything. Suffice to say, I panicked and nearly surfaced too quickly. The dive instructor, bless his heart, was very patient and got me back on the surface. I spent the rest of the day apologizing to the instructor and feeling like a total rookie.
- 5:00 PM: Back at the resort. Collapsed on the bed. Exhausted and a little traumatized (but mostly in awe).
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the resort’s restaurant, “Lilya”. Got all dressed up, felt fancy. Ordered a cocktail (this time, a safe one).
Day 3: Rainforest Ramblings & Lizard Appreciation
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast (same place, different day). Feeling brave.
- 9:00 AM: Signed up for a guided walk through the rainforest. Hoping to spot some wildlife, or at least not get eaten by a crocodile.
- 10:00 AM: Rainforest adventure started. We saw so many bugs, and interesting plants. Our guide was quite a talker and very informative. I did learn that the trees are old, that I was not alone and it's quite beautiful.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Back at the resort! I have fallen in love with the Caesar Salad and was happily munching on it in the restaurant.
- 12:30 PM: Pool time! Spent a delightful 2 hours in and out of the pool.
- 2:30 PM: Lizard spotting. I noticed so many of them, lizards! I didn't know lizards were so beautiful. I sat and watched the lizards, and it was so relaxing.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner! The food was great but I ordered way too many serves (again).
Day 4: Farewell Cairns (For Now)
- 9:00 AM: One last breakfast. Trying to soak up every last moment of this glorious place.
- 10:00 AM: Final Poolside relaxation. Sigh.
- 12:00 PM: Check out. The sadness is real. I'm already planning my return.
- 1:00 PM: Airport and fly out.
- 2:00 PM: Finally home!
Quirks, Rambles & Emotional Rollercoaster:
- The Wildlife: Seriously, the lizards are adorable. They're everywhere. The ones by the pool are HUGE, I am sure I saw a crocodile. I was convinced I was going to be eaten at any moment.
- Food: The food is great! I tried everything!
- Self-Reflection: I’m pretty sure I'm not cut out for scuba diving, but I’m definitely going to try again. I might hate it but I have to keep trying!
- The Weather: Hot. Humid. Beautiful. And the rain! The tropical downpours are something else.
- Overall Impression: Cairns Colonial Club Resort? Highly recommend. It’s a little rough around the edges, a little chaotic, and it's perfect. It’s not a luxury resort, but it’s comfortable and a good base for exploring some amazing places.
This itinerary is a living document, subject to change based on mood, nap-time requirements, and the occasional tequila mishap. Wish me luck! I'm off to go explore the rainforest and find those elusive ghost trains. (I can dream, can't I?)"
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Cairns Colonial Club: Your (Potentially Amazing, Possibly Slightly Buggy) Aussie Adventure!
Okay, seriously, what *is* the Cairns Colonial Club like? Is it just...a hotel?
Location, Location, Location! Is it actually *in* Cairns? Or like, way out in Woop Woop?
The Pools! Everyone raves about the pools! Are they as good as they look in the photos? And, like, are there *crocodiles*?
What about the rooms? Are they, like, modern and fancy? Or are we talking… charmingly dated?
Food & Drink? Is it decent? Or should I just plan on eating all my meals in the city?
The Staff - Are they helpful? Cheerful? Or, you know, a bit… worn out by tourists?
Anything else I should know? Any hidden gems or things to avoid?
